How To Control Your Kon
by Baxter54132
Summary: Part of the "How To.." Series. Do you have a small annoying creature running around your home? This book is for you! Includes HitsuKarin Omake from previous story.


OMG guys, this is my 50th story. Do you all know how massive that is? It's this huge milestone that I am very happy to be passing over. It's like, "Whew now I can aim for 100 stories." Taking that next step, hopefully my writing is improving as I go, lol.

Anyway, this is the next story in line, it got a lot of requests. I added a little Toshiro omake at the end, although you might need to go and read the Toshiro book to understand. Enjoy!

I'm going to admit, this one is pretty short, I didn't really know what to write about.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. I merely play around with the characters and put them into possibly unrealistic pairings.

Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon

**How To Control Your Kon**

Have you had a harsh realization recently? Has it dawned on you that everyone in your life (your boyfriend, brother, and friends) are all obedient slaves, but there is still one more annoying creature running around free? If so, you might have a Kon. Congratulations, this is one insect you will never be able to get rid of.

**Chapter 1: Identifying Your Kon**

A Kon is a small, energetic bundle of energy that looks suspiciously like a lion. He has a high-pitched, irritating voice and is always trying to have a glimpse up your skirt, which neither you nor your Ichigo appreciate. A Kon constantly will run away from your home, but will return safe and sound before you even notice he is missing. Last but not least, a Kon is annoying beyond belief. If your Kon has all of these traits, then he truly is a Kon. Let's move on.

**Chapter 2: How To Make Your Kon Into Your Slave**

There is no mutual friendship between you and your Kon, only a master and a slave. If you are like me, then you probably ignore your Kon most of the time to keep from becoming irritated. There are a few ways to go about making your Kon the perfect slave; all of these forms of punishment are one hundred percent effective.

Remove the soul pill from his body.

Tie him to the back of a toilet.

Gag and tie him, then stuff him into your Ichigo's backpack.

Kick him, many times.

Attempt to remove the foam flower from his ear.

Feel free to experiment with other methods.

**Chapter 3: How To Manage Your Kon's Perverted ness**

There is no need to deny it, every Kon is a pervert. This isn't necessarily a big problem for you, but it doesn't look good if a stuffed animal is randomly clinging onto random females. One way would be to kick him out of your house and forget about his existence completely, but that would only last for about a day. A better way is to simply send him to Inoue's house. Once there, he isn't with you anymore, Inoue has company, and he can be a pervert all he wants since she is very, very innocent. If you don't want to send him away, try covering his eyes with duct tape.

**Chapter 4: The Perfect Match For Your Kon**

Despite his perverted ness, your Kon will eventually want to get a girlfriend and settle down. First, make sure that he isn't flirting with other girls while he is in your Ichigo's body, unless you want your Ichigo to be getting phone calls from girls that he has never met before. Plant him into someone else's body. Putting him into Toshiro's body would cause a laugh, and it would be even funnier to put him into a female body like Rangiku. That might cause problems though when Rangiku wants her body back… Anyway, the perfect girl for Kon should be cold, demanding, flat chested, and more annoying than he is. Just google it.

**Conclusion:**

The world is at peace. You are your Kon's master, and he is your slave. Hopefully he is better behaved, and less perverted. I know that this book was on the short side, but Kon is very simple minded, very few words are needed to describe him.

-Rukia Kuchiki

* * *

**How, "How To Train Your Karin," Never Came To Be (Omake)**

"Taicho!" Rangiku skips up to her captain's desk happily, a book tucked away under her left arm.

Toshiro holds back a twitch of annoyance as he glances up at his blond lieutenant, turning his attention away from the very high squad ten "Alcohol Substance" bill.

"What is it?" he asks coldly.

Rangiku whips the book out and beams from ear to ear, a mischievous glint in her eye as she watches her captain groan in annoyance.

"Look what Karin-chan wrote about you." Rangiku pushes the book towards her captain even though she knows that he has already read it.

Toshiro looks back down at his paperwork, desperately trying to keep the small blush threatening to show on his face. "I've already read it," he mutters just loud enough for Rangiku to hear.

"Well…?"

Toshiro picks up his pen, but pauses when the tip touches the paper. "Well what?"

"You should write one about her!" Rangiku bubbles as she reveals the true reason for her entering the office.

"No."

Rangiku plops the book down onto a free space on Toshiro's desk with a sigh. "Why not? Everyone is doing it, you don't want to be the last person on the bandwagon."

"If everyone jumped off of a bridge, would you?" Toshiro snaps angrily, almost breaking his pen with his clenched fist.

Rangiku laughs, "Of course I would! The world would be boring if I was the only one left. About the book…"

"No."

**And That Is How, "How To Train Your Karin," Never Came To Be**

Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon Kon

Yay for this series, please drop me a review and swing by my homepage to check out the other stories.

Here is the link for the community if you'd rather not file through my profile page but want to read the other part of the series.

www. fanfiction community /How_To_ Series_Collection /75354/

Just take out the spaces.

Oh, and vote in my poll please, I'm trying to get to 100 voters, we are currently at 89.


End file.
